Thoughts from the Other side of the Table

Photo by Lynn Milbrandt

Book signings are weird.
 
No, I’m not saying that going to meet your favorite author and having her sign book number four in your favorite series is odd (well, I suppose it is because these interactions are awkward by nature. In real life, people who don’t know each other well rarely have to pretend they are best friends for 60 seconds).
 
What I’m saying is book signings are weird from the other side of the table. When you’re an author, you basically find yourself asking people to hang out with you and give you money in exchange for a few squiggles on a page and you trying to sound more impressive than you really believe yourself to be.
 
If we were to be really honest, as we were jotting down that clever tagline we came up with in the car, we would be whispering to you in desperation something like the following:
 

1. “If you think the antagonist’s motivation is underdeveloped, you’re absolutely right. My proofreader said the same thing but, by that time, I didn’t have the energy or brain power to fix it.
2. “There’s a horrible typo on page 37. I know it’s there, but I didn’t realize it until one of my launch team members pointed it out. Unfortunately, that was after I had ordered copies of the book in the box behind me, so there’s no going back now.”
3. “You can’t wait for the sequel? Might I suggest practicing the art of patience, because I don’t know if I have another one of these books in me. I really don’t.”

 
Now, we never actually say any of these things (or, if we do, it comes with a smile for a chaser, just so you know/think we’re kidding). We also don’t reveal that, as an indie author, we’re just grateful we could find a place for our signing that’s somewhere between a major bookstore and our niece’s birthday party where we just “happen” to have a couple copies of our latest book “if you’re interested”.
 
So, when you go to get your favorite author to sign his latest masterpiece, remember the minor-class celebrity is probably just as nervous as you are.
 
He simply has more experience hiding it.

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